Finding Sunshine Again

Ever since Lily Grace was given a terminal diagnosis, one of my prayers to God was to hear His voice in a new way to help me find comfort, peace and understanding.  I am definitely learning.  Sometimes I get thoughts from God while I am driving, in the shower or laying in bed.  Other times I hear his voice through people that God places in my path.  I chose to write this post about opportunity, because it has been awhile since I updated!  I Google searched opportunity and corresponding bible verses to get extra insight on this topic and one result in particular caught my attention.  The topic headline read, "Finding Sunshine Again."  I loved that!  I clicked on the link and was hooked for almost an hour reading a blog from another Mommy who had lost her baby too soon.  God used this woman who shares the same pain as I do to reinforce the fact that, "God will never leave us or forsake us."

The mothers name is Amy and I began reading her blog posts from the beginning, which just happened to be from the month of December.  Amy freely shared her thoughts and feelings on going through their first Christmas since they had lost their son.  It was painful yet promising.  Amy writes about Christmas day, "There were many moments that day which took my breath away, moments where my heart felt that empty pit of Jeremy's absence in our family.  I tried to focus on the idea of him celebrating Christmas with Jesus in heaven, oh what a sight that must be!  While this was a beautiful image in my mind, I still missed him greatly."  With Christmas approaching fast, I have thought numerous times about how wonderful that day must be in heaven.  Can you imagine?  Honestly, sometimes I feel cheated and I know that is wrong.  I feel that life would have been easier if God let Lily Grace be here for at least one Christmas.  I wanted to take her pictures with red and green tutus and Santa hats, I wanted to give her a stocking, but how selfish am I?  I quickly get reminded of the pain that she experienced here on earth, and in heaven there is no recollection of that.  She gets to experience Christmas with the one and only Jesus!  Knowing that, we are remembering all the good times we had with Lily Grace and taking the opportunity to enjoy the true meaning of Christmas this year.  I made Christmas cards with pictures of the fun times in 2011 and we decorated a tree in memory of Lily Grace.  We are choosing to have a wonderful Christmas season! 

On a lighter note...(I think it is safe to put the tissues away!)  I took a step in a direction that I would not have normally taken.  I went back to school!  The saying goes, "when one door closes, another door opens."  Ever since high school I wanted to attend beauty school.    Instead, I chose to pursue a bachelors degree in business management, which I still do not regret.  The opportunity arose and with a little research, I made the decision to go to Empire Beauty School in Hanover and get my license in cosmetology.  I started two weeks ago and love it!  We are learning hair cutting first and I just can't get enough of it!  I am not sure the exact path I will take in this field, as well as in life, but I know that I am headed in the right direction.  

Michael and I also have the opportunity to go to a retreat in Tennessee for couples who have lost children.  I know I have mentioned Nancy Guthrie before, but I am super excited to meet her and her husband as we take a weekend for sharing and healing.  It is said that 75% of married couples who lose children end in divorce.  That is scary and we choose not to be one!  Nancy and her husband address many topics and issues that couples face while going through the grieving process.  Losing two babies to ZS, they have been called to help others through their pain and it will be an insightful weekend for sure!  Patience, which was never my strong suit, needs to be practiced since the retreat is not until February!  I look forward to telling you all about it!

If I don't get a chance to write before, Merry Christmas!  Also, if you still have a hand print angel from Lily Grace's memorial service, hang it on your tree and remember the beauty of life and the promise of heaven this season!